Nice Mom

Youngest’s “Mean Mom vs Nice Dad” comment has thrown me for a loop.  I find myself consumed with producing empirical evidence for Youngest to prove what a good mother I am and how it is really under-appreciation of myself that is the problem.  Passing him in the hallway I mutter under my breath, “I suppose you think your infant eczema just cleared itself up…” or while talking to Micky on the phone I will say in a louder than necessary voice, “no, I’m sorry Micky, I simply cannot see September Issue with you tonight…you see, I am a mother that stays home with my children no matter how many fun opportunities I must miss in the process…”   Late at night, in an eureka moment, I will suddenly jump from bed, run into Youngest’s bedroom, pretend I can’t see he’s asleep and say loudly, “I just wanted to let you know, if you get scared tonight you’re more than welcome to come to my side of the bed and wake me up to comfort you instead of Daddy, you know…. LIKE YOU NORMALLY DO.”   High-fiving myself, I go back to bed sure that I’ve just dealt the winning blow.  Youngest, however, is nothing if not a strategic player.  In a tactical move, he bides his time knowing that sooner or later (probably sooner) I will crack under the pressure and show my true colors.  That moment comes more quickly than I would have wished.   

It was shaping up to be one of those mornings.  In my continuing effort to prove my niceness, I made a breakfast of eggs, toast (with cheese for Middle, just butter for Oldest, barely warm for Youngest and high-fiber for Beloved) and turkey sausage (that they all hate and accuse me of being vegan when I serve).  I was breathlessly rushing upstairs to change because, as kindly reminded by Oldest, it was my turn to drive carpool and he “didn’t want to be late…again!”  Just as I undressed, the doorbell rang and I realized it was “the Ladies.”  They are the super-religious cleaners we hired to come in twice a week so Rowena wouldn’t become too put-upon and decide she could make more doing less elsewhere.  They are so pious that even when leaving lists for needed cleaning materials they sign off with a, “May God, his son Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit who reigns supreme bless you and your family.”  I yell down for someone to “please answer the door!”  At the same time I hear Beloved yelling from the leisurely oasis of his shower informing us in a cheery voice that, “There is someone at the door!!!”  I communicate patiently to him that “I know!” and shout down the stairs again, “Can someone answer the door!”  Even though I’m yelling so loudly most of our neighbors and all of the mothers walking their children to school can hear me through our open bedroom window, my boys are curiously unable to.  I give it a go one more time, with a ‘Can someone PLEASE let the Ladies in!”  Beloved responds in a hugely put-upon tone, “I CANNOT!  I AM IN THE SHOWER!!’  That’s when I crack and yell back as loud as I can, “I WASN’T F-----G TALKING TO YOU!!!”   The doorbell stops ringing.  It feels so good saying the words, but even as they leave my mouth I know I will pay a price for my self-indulgence.  Why is it I can be a model of motherly decorum for 22-25 days a month and all it takes is one little slip-up to lose all of my hard-won ground?  Suddenly, the boys have all miraculously recovered their hearing.  Oldest says in a righteous tone, “Nice Mom…there are children present.”  Middle titters and repeats, “I wasn’t f_____g talking to you, I wasn't f_____g talking to you” in a sing-song voice over and over.  Youngest shakes his head in a disappointed manner as if to say, “I think we both knew something like this was bound to happen.”    

I wonder what would happen if I just threw myself on the floor and pitched a huge fit…or maybe I already have.

  

Comments

[NY girlfriend]

i love Youngest's bedroom...is that where he goes to avoid you on those off days?

[Sara Sterling]

According to The Onion swearing is something most Moms don't learn until later in life - Congrats to you on being advanced for your age. - http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27667?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

[Shelby]

Who needs coffee!

[Melanie]

i am just glad that i am not the only under appreciated mom out there!!

[zack9900]

22 - 25 days!!?? You're my new role model!!!

[Kim Bachmann]

I love your comments!

[E cig review]

Seems like a pretty nice mom.