1K

Youngest has just told me in a pleasant, informative tone, apropos of nothing, that I am mean and Beloved is nice.  He must have noticed the look on my face, because he amends this to, “well, you are nice, but Daddy is nicer.”  Youngest is not without compassion.  He pats my hand in a benevolent manner and charges off for some serious Lego building.  As I finally finish my unpacking from the trip we returned from a week ago, I ponder why I am mean.  First of all, my room is a mess, and I’m in a bad mood.  I’ve been using my suitcase as my closet, picking out whatever happens to be on top to be my outfit for the day.  Why is it if you don’t unpack the second you get home the bags just become permanent fixtures at the place where they were dropped?  Or maybe that’s just mean old lazy me.  I tell myself it’s because I just put others needs before my own, but that doesn’t entirely work, and I drop this line of reasoning fairly quickly.  Maybe Youngest is mad because we went away for 10 days…maybe children are like dogs and they punish you for leaving them.  Even that doesn’t wholly ring true.  My children love Rowena so much that they keep asking, hopefully, if we have any more travel plans in the near future.  I think back to our blissful trip celebrating our biggie wedding anniversary.  Is it possible it was only two weeks ago that we started out?  Life seemed so full of promise then.  Excitement was in the air.  It was if anything could and would happen.  

It all came about because Beloved and I were invited to go to a birthday party being celebrated in Italy by some super-glamorous friends of ours.  Beloved is nothing if not resourceful and quickly jumped on the opportunity to have a ready-made celebration.  The fact that it was for someone else’s birthday and not our wedding anniversary he conveniently skipped over and I didn’t care…  

 I haven’t been on a trip without my children for so long I am excited by the prospect of being on a plane for 10 hours with just Beloved.  I imagine us having long conversations covering all the topics we never seem to have time for at home.  I know this is not to be the case when an hour into the flight I realize the very serious-looking Beloved is actually playing Wurdle on his iPhone and not doing the necessary and serious work he said he had to do if he was to, “take all this time off!!”  I don’t really care though, because for the first time in a long time, I am going to be the passenger without noisy, messy, kicking-the-seat in-front-of-them children.  Beloved has sprung for seats at the front of the bus (with miles that were about to expire, but who’s counting).  I find myself irrationally hoping there will be a crying child on the flight I can give stern looks to and exhale noisily about.  There isn’t a noisy child (sadly) but there is a very noisy and proud adult male passenger.  He embarks wearing gray sweatpants and slippers (Beloved says they are just practical and comfortable shoes but I disagree).  He has his Personal Air Ionizer looped around his neck and instructs his poor mousy bullied wife, also in sweat pants and slippers, to follow his lead…he is a 1K!!!  I kick Beloved in a humorous, “getta load of this guy” way but Beloved returns his usual firm, “mind your own business” look.  Easier said than done...I become obsessed with 1K.  It isn’t hard as everything he says is obviously meant for the rest of the plane to hear.  While Beloved and I are gobbling up the salty toasty nuts and downing champagne, 1K snatches the champagne glass out of poor wife’s eager hands and gives the nuts back to the flight attendant, saying the salt will make you bloat and the champagne will de-hydrate you.  EVERYONE knows you don’t drink on a flight.  It makes the effects twice as strong (Beloved and I look at each other thinking isn’t that precisely the point?).  When the flight attendant comes around to ask for our dinner order, 1K says, loudly, “my wife and I have pre-ordered the vegetarian low-sodium option…AS I USUALLY DO.”  Beloved and I tuck into the filet mignon smothered in salty gravy and decide we’ll follow our white wine with a nice glass of Bordeaux.  We hear 1K tell his wife it’s time to stand up and stretch and to take their one tablet of aspirin for blood circulation, for AS MUCH AS HE FLIES he really has to be careful with his blood circulation.  They do their deep-knee bends and side stretches, and I begin to realize the flight may not be long enough for all the activities I want to cover.  As I look at my pile of People, In-Style, Star and In-Touch, the Georgette Heyer novel I’ve been waiting to start, the two movies I’d like to watch and the ice-cream cart they’re just starting to come around with, I hear 1K tell poor wife, “NOW IT’S TIME FOR US TO GO TO SLEEP!”  I can see her look longingly at The Proposal but 1K has already plopped her seat down and thrust eye shades in her hands.  He’s still talking as she drifts off telling her how when they arrive they will take a brisk walk in the sun, have a light dinner then early to bed so they can immediately recalibrate to Italian time.   

 I look fondly at a now bleary-eyed Beloved who’s saying, “yes, of course I’d like to try a glass of port” and realize even after all these years we still have so much in common.  I reach over and steal his phone so he’ll be forced to talk to me if I decide I need to, but for now I happily settle in to reading about who Jennifer Anniston is dating, how much Lindsay Lohan weighs and what the adoption rate is up to with Angelina and Brad (I still don’t approve).  I’m feeling ever so nice…if only Youngest was here to see me.                                    

Comments

[Angelica]

Love the happy ending. I can't understand how people can just put themselves to sleep on those flights...without the help of drugs that is. One just can't decide it's "time" to sleep and shove on the eyeshades. Another note: my yoga teacher did tell the class the other day that squatting periodically on long flights is a good way to boost your leg circulation. We all laughed though when she told us while we squatted facing eachother, that one just needs to be sure to wear underwear.....

[Sara Sterling]

We are waiting to hear about the super glam birthday celebration....with photos!

[natasha]

Lol!!! Love your blog! I am frequently on 14hr plane rides and I people watch too! It passes time :)

[E cig review]

1k ! great post I love reading your blog.