Happiness

In spite of husband struggling with his start-up, more dash than cash and an unsettling sense that life as we know it hangs on the brink, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier. I am sure it’s because of my connection with what’s real and important now that all the superfluous has been cleared for me.  When I relay this sentiment to NY Girlfriend she says, “really…how’s that Zoloft workin’ for ya’?”  I respond haughtily that "my  Low-Dose Zoloft is working just fine!”

As the years have ticked by, circumstances beyond my control have taken over my hormonal mood swings.  If I am not enjoying my “one good week a month”, as my husband likes to call it, I am likely to do or say things that startle even myself.  To combat this entirely blameless physical limitation, I am now on a Low-Prescription Dose of Zoloft.  Low-Dose Zoloft has worked wonders for me.  In fact, it seems to have worked wonders for most of the women in Pacific Heights…and beyond.  At a recent birthday party for one of our children, the calm nurturing mother of a friend of Youngest whispered to me she had forgotten to take her Low-Dose Zoloft that morning and did I have any extra.  I did and was happy to share.  When Barb heard the prescription bottle rattling she rushed over and said (with her hand out) had it missed anyone’s attention that she was the one going through the divorce??  Wendy called from New York later that week and excitedly informed me she had just filled her first prescription.  She wondered aloud if she should take it right then or save it until that evening, as she had a party to attend and didn’t want to “waste” it.  I patiently explained Low-Dose Zoloft is not like doing Ecstasy and it would not make the party any better (actually, I’ll have to check that…always worth knowing).  Beloved likes to remind me though it may make me feel better to call it “Low-Dose Zoloft,” Zoloft is Zoloft no matter the dosage.  How do I know what constitutes “low” anyway?  “Low” for whom?  A linebacker?  A logger?  A freight-handler?  Beloved really does not give himself enough credit for his droll sense of humor.

I absolutely do not think medication should be taken lightly or as a solution for every problem (though frankly…).  We happy and sensible women of Pacific Heights take many holistic and prudent measures to help us through our demanding days.  Micky swears going off gluten has substantially diminished her mood swings.  Angelica is religious about her Evening Primrose Oil and Barb has a regular and vigorous exercise routine.  I decided I would see a therapist to talk about my trigger-fire anger problem that occasionally occurs.  On our first appointment I told the therapist I was very happy and immediately burst into tears.  He requested I tell him about this “happy life” of mine (quotation marks were his) and when I did he promptly fell asleep.  I was uncomfortable because I wasn’t 100% sure it wasn’t a hidden camera type-situation, and I wanted to make sure my behavior was becoming.  I settled a shrewd, “okay…I’ll play your little game” look on my face and felt relieved I had applied lipstick before the appointment.  However, the joke seemed to be going on for a long time with little to no action.  And the therapist was drooling.  I started to wonder if he might really be asleep.  Then I became depressed that my life was so boring even someone paid to listen couldn't get through it all without a respite.   

When my hour was up, I was frozen in indecision.  On one hand, I didn’t want to wake him and have to confront our mutual embarrassment in his quiet little office.  On the other hand, it seemed rude to just get up and leave without saying goodbye or making future arrangements.  So I decided to write him a thank you note.  I’m from the south and when in doubt…  Very quietly and with my heart racing I took a piece of paper from his desk and found a pen.  I told him what a pleasure it was to meet him and thanked him for all the time and trouble he had taken to help me.  I felt SO much better after meeting him but I JUST realized Youngest gets out of school at the EXACT time of our appointment so SADLY I would not be able to make it the following week.  I would, however, DEFINITELY try to figure out another time that would work and get back to him.  Feeling better, I carefully placed the note on his desk.  I quietly gathered my things and prepared to take the harrowing three steps out of the office to safety.  I was so intent on watching the sleeping doctor I wasn’t looking where I was going and tripped over the little table holding the prominently displayed clock and box of tissues.  It made a deafening crash, as I heard the doctor’s ergonomically correct chair snapping back up into sitting position.  I never looked back.   

When my accommodating and straightforward female ob/gyn suggested Zoloft, I jumped at the suggestion.  Now when in the throes of hormonal ups and downs, I don’t burst into tears because I’ve suddenly realized I’ve never taken the boys to Opera in the Park or snarl with bared teeth at the person who stands too close to me in the Peets coffee line.  I just sit back and enjoooooy the ride…

                     

Comments

[beloved blogger]

It's a great thing - Zoloft or any of the numerous other "designer" mood changing drugs. While it is great for you, trust me, it is even greater for Beloved.

"It's a miracle" - I'm from the South too....

[SF_reader]

Thanks for writing! I've been looking for my next high dose of "TYfA"...

[NY Girlfriend]

...it is all good until you post a blog from the Malibu grounds of Promises....

[Sara Sterling]

I agree with "SF Reader"; a nice low dose of Zoloft and a TYFA post makes my day...not to mention a low dose martini.

[Angelica]

I'd just like to say that, as always, I so appreciate your honesty and humor. As we all slide uncomfortably into middle age, we all need a little help staying positive and upbeat. For some of us gals though, martinis just don't do the trick.

[Nick Zantop]

Great entry & a beautiful shot of my favorite bridge

[Sara Sterling]

Any Thanksgiving advice? My husband's a turkey.....

[Wendy]

Just to clarify: I only take half of the lowest dose possible...three times per day.

[Lynn]

You always make me laugh. a deep belly laugh (although I of course have no belly to speak of.)

Sincere thanks.

[beachmom]

dose zoloft is a gateway drug - I used to feel that way and now I think I need to double (triple?) it. I didn't even laugh, just nodded in melancholy reminiscence that I USED to feel better on 20 mg.

[Sara Sterling]

Thank you Beachmom for putting it all into melancholy perspective...

[E cig review]

Great photo of the bridge I miss san fran

[RamonGustav]

Hi I liked your note, add your site to your bookmarks.

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I thought I'd have to read a book for a dicsoevry like this!

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