Dinner Party - Part I - Thank You for Asking

I am so looking forward to the dinner party we are to attend this evening. I sit in my bedroom, enjoying my cup of tea, idly flipping through my Vogue and think about the evening ahead. Barb calls in the middle of my reverie to ask what I’m going to wear. We chat about clothes for a while then the conversation turn to whom we think the other guests will be. We go through a list of likely candidates and eventually come to Sabrina…whom we both agree we adore. As much as we hope she is in attendance we fear it unlikely. Our hostess for the evening is very real and as much as it kills us to say it, Sabrina has a tendency to name drop and is sometimes a bit superficial …we really don't like to be the ones to point it out. We talk about how much we love Sabrina for a little while longer then both shout we can’t believe how late it is and hang up to get ready. I think very hard about getting ready while wondering if I have time for a quick jog? Beloved suddenly appears reminding me WE HAVE TO LEAVE IN 30 MINUTES!!!

I enjoy a leisurely bath as Beloved pops in every minute or two to announce the time.

After my bath I decide to put a couple of large rollers in my hair to give it a little lift and body. While they're setting I finish my tea and magazine article. I don't like to waste time if I can help it. Ten minutes later Beloved comes in, takes one look at me on my bedroom sofa in my lounge wear and curlers and shouts, “WHAT THE HELL?!! You're not dressed yet??!!" We then have a little stand-off with him staring at me as I slowly sip my tea and crisply turn the pages of my magazine. I am the first to crack, toss my magazine down and stomp off to get dressed. He stalks off muttering something about “blissful ignorance in regard to time” and, “no sense of urgency whatsoever….”

Choosing what to wear is really the fun part of a dinner party, unless what I want to wear is too tight, the shoes I thought would look good cut my legs off giving me cankles, the sweater that I need to wear as a cover-up is at the dry cleaners, the crisp white shirt that would be perfect is un-ironed or the going-out-on-a-limb with brightly colored opaque tights turns out to be a dreadful mistake. Beloved comes in, takes one incredulous look at the heap of clothes and shoes strewn about and says through gritted teeth he thinks he will go “warm up” the car. In 30 seconds, because it does not take long to “warm up” a 2007 Volvo in 60 degree weather, I hear the first honk. It repeats itself at regular and frequent intervals. Seething, I run downstairs and out the door, holding the wrong pair of shoes, wearing the wrong color lipstick and sporting un-flat-ironed hair.

Miraculously, we are not in a huge fight on the drive to the party, so I start thinking of the best way to give Beloved his dinner party instructions. Beloved has an admirable trait, I’m sure, of not caring what others think of him. I do, and since everyone knows one’s spouse is an extension of oneself, I feel there is some responsibility on his side. I like to give Beloved little pep talks on the way to dinner parties to remind him of what I think works best for him. Beloved does not normally find this helpful, so I try to bite my tongue. Tonight I am unsuccessful and say in a rapid-fire way, “just remember, you can’t go wrong by pretending to be interested in others…but please do not do that weird jovial thing…no one really buys it coming from you.” Beloved accepts this councel evenly, and then says, “Thank you. I’m sure that information will come in very handy. Now I would like to return the favor. You know that sparkly personality of yours that you are so proud of? Well, sometimes, after a glass of wine or two, it is just loud…not really sparkly at all. That information may come in handy to you this evening.” It is really a shock to find oneself married to a fiend.

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Beloved and I need a Plan B - the time count down and driveway honking isn't working. (Too Light)

Plan B could be to leave once and go to the party alone. (Too heavy)

We will keep working on it.

Posted by: beloved blogger | December 01, 2009 at 05:59 AM

great slice of life ... always fun to read

Posted by: Hudson | December 01, 2009 at 06:22 AM

Hmmm... Any of those shoes coming my way any time soon??

Posted by: zack9900 | December 01, 2009 at 08:53 AM

Were those bright blue opaque tights in the pages of Vogue??? And will Beloved make you wear them now that you own them??? Maybe with a nice thong leotard for the gym.