I am not sure I approve of Bjorn Bags being worn by fathers. I know I have startlingly old-fashioned ideas when it comes to men, and I’m convinced it’s my own father’s fault. He was (“is” actually, for some reason I always speak of him in the past tense -- I’m sure my next 15 years of therapy will get to the bottom of that) a cigarette-smoking, hard-drinking, never-heard-of-a-child’s-sporting-event-he-felt-compelled-to-attend father. We all adored him. I can assure you if they had Bjorn Bags in his day he would have thought they were just great…for somebody else.
To be fair, it is not Bjorn Bags per se (Beloved himself was not above wearing one) that bug me. It is more the type of father the Bjorn-Bag-wearing-man is likely to grow up to be. If he is not careful, he will find himself one idle Halloween night in an adult Spider Man costume, or talking about sustainable produce or even using the word “artisanal*.”
Whenever I hear an overly solicitous father calling their child “sweetie” (yuk) or “nice-job”-ing it, or “it doesn’t matter if you win or lose…” I feel a twinge of appreciation for Beloved’s brusque fatherly manner. Yes, yes I know I forced him to seek outside-couseling because, amongst other things, he never lets any of his boys win…no matter what they are playing. They reached a point where they refused to play tennis with him because the victory dance he did after beating them was too embarrassing. Youngest once asked me what “IN YOUR FACE!” meant and why did daddy say it every time he beat him at checkers. After remarking what a good little basketball player I thought Middle was when he made a spectacular three-pointer Beloved said bluntly, “he’s not that good it’s just the rest of the team is so bad.”
Yet, they all adore him. I suspect more than they do me! I suspect that because they tell me that at least once a week. Why? I make so much effort…then I get mad because no one is appreciating how much effort I am making. They all look at me like I’m crazy and no one is quite sure why I’m so mad (including me). Then the four of them go downstairs, eat bad food and watch football. No one tells them to pick up their socks or not throw popcorn all over the floor and if they do finally do something that bugs Beloved he just says, “knock it off” and forgets about it. I can assure you I never “forget" about anything. Including the fact that I was the sucker that wore the Bjorn-Bag!
*not to be confused with other words I hate such as:
- Sensual
- Tush
- Make Love
- Climax (seems there’s a trend here)
- Classy
- Nourishing
- Connected (as in “I feel so connected with you right now”)
- Probiotic
- Incidentally
- Heretofore (never actually heard anyone say this, but would pitch a fit if I did)
- Hunnerd (instead of hundred…you’d be surprised!)
My husband is the same way, he is mean to all kids and yet they adore him. When I say mean, just like your husband he refuses to let them win, tells them to leave him alone when he is watching tv or just in a general way lets them know they are bothering him yet they stare at him adoringly and ask where he is every minute of the day.
Posted by: MaryBeth | February 18, 2011 at 08:22 AM
Can we add horny to the list? I don't even like to type it.
Posted by: Heather Elder | February 18, 2011 at 12:04 PM
I'll bet your boys promise not to swear, burp or fart on Mother's day which could be interpreted as a sign of adornment no?
Posted by: Ednos | February 18, 2011 at 01:43 PM
I always enjoy your posts. Couldn't agree more with this one.
Posted by: Lisa Stevens | February 20, 2011 at 10:29 AM
Brilliant!! Love this!
Posted by: Whitney | February 20, 2011 at 04:57 PM
Comment #1: I agree and refuse to repeat it. Classy-- yes. My addition: "At the end of the day." Oh, and especially: "Let me give you a little good advice." Arrgh, that sets my teeth on edge. But wait: "You catch more bees with honey." Shut-up! Also: "To whom much is given, much is expected." Judgmental, preachy, self congratulatory nonsense!! I've grown disgusted with the word: "Branding." Give me a break, be authentic and if nobody likes your idea, slink away. I will add to the list: "Parenting." That is code for the inmates are running the asylum. We are on the same page. Two posts ago I discussed my slaughtering of the text acronym language--very sad.
Best,
Liz
Posted by: Dovecote Decor | February 23, 2011 at 06:58 PM
holistic.
Posted by: NY girlfriend | February 23, 2011 at 08:09 PM
Perfect!
Sent from my iPhone
Posted by: kimbachmann | February 23, 2011 at 10:02 PM
Kim I totally agree! Mostly....but I have to admit that I do feel extremely sensual wearing my bjorn bag. It just makes my tush look so amazing that I refuse to take it off(even when shopping for "artisanal"cheese). my family says it's time to stop wearing it since number three is about to graduate from high school. So,heretofore, I shall put it away forever.
Incidentally, I don't know if Ive ever told you how nourishing your blog is to my soul and I feel connected to your authentic spirit in a deep way that only two beings acting human can. You are such a classy lady! I bet a lot of men fantasize about you while making love to their wives so they can climax.
Any who, I have to run and take my probiotic (which I've forgotten for the hunnerd time!)
Namaste my friend,
Daisy Yarrow
Posted by: stephanie milligan | February 26, 2011 at 08:25 PM
Kim Ha I loved you post and Daisy Yellows response above!!
Heretofore I will read ALL of your posts!!
I have an Artful Offering and great interview on my site.You will love it!
xoxo
Karena
Art by Karena
Posted by: Karena | March 01, 2011 at 10:07 AM
You're too much! {But why poor "incidentally"?}
Posted by: Maryam in Marrakech | July 15, 2011 at 09:59 AM