Thank You for Asking

Bed Jacket

How dark a girl’s life would be without best friends.  I don’t know what I would do without my daily updates, chats and coffees with Barb and Micki.  Well…probably learn a new language or something useful.  But how lonely I would be, speaking French all by myself!   When I think about the support they have shown me, through ups and downs, I feel so fortunate.  When our house was for sale and I was afraid someone more fun would buy it and have dinner parties, Barb and Micki assured me they would not darken the door of my house, let alone attend a dinner party, when we were gone…until they found out the attractive couple looking to buy it was from Monaco.   Then they couldn’t stop trying to figure out ways to darken the door of my house and attend dinner parties.  Still, friends forgive and we moved on. 

I am still friends with my first best friends, Wendy and Kristin.  The main thing I remember from those days is being helpless with laughter.  Helpless with laughter in choir practice at Holy Trinity,  helpless with laughter in math class, helpless with laughter at 3:00 in the morning sleepovers at Wendy’s until her father threatened to take me home if we didn’t stop laughing (you can’t imagine how we laughed then…until the brute took me home!!!)  I probably could have gone to Harvard or Yale had I not been so helpless with laughter through my entire grade school and high school career, but life wouldn’t have been nearly as funny!

My best friends always take my various business/career schemes seriously.  No one has been more help than New York Girlfriend.  She will give me astute business advice, whilst handing me the latest color fingernail polish and kindly letting me know no one wears un-tucked shirts anymore…or everyone wears un-tucked shirts, never can seem to get it right.  Not to mention, Angelica, always so supportive and loyal.  She insists I am talented at things for which I know I am absolutely average.

It’s not that I don’t value Beloved’s friendship as well, only his friendship isn’t as friendly as my girlfriends.  He’s always, “just letting me know” things.  Like, “you are unrealistic about time and if we stop to get coffee before we go to the movies we are going to be late and have to sit in the front row and you’ll get motion sickness and we’ll miss the trailers and I’ll be mad… just letting you know.”   Yes, he’s good in a pinch, like, “Oh my word, Youngest cut his finger and there’s blood everywhere…” no, actually he would not be good at all in that situation, but anyway, you get my point.  He’s perfectly fine, just not best friend material.

Recently I announced, after reading all of Nancy Mitford’s books (third time), I would henceforth be doing all my work from bed.  The women in Nancy Mitford’s books always did their business from bed.  They planned their schedule for the day in bed, had quiet visits with their children in bed, opened their letters and invitations in bed and so forth.  When I announced my plan, did my “best friend” say (like someone I know), “What’s so new about that?  You’re always in bed, and I don’t see a lot of work getting done…just letting you know.”?  No!  My best friend gave me a bed jacket.  She had to fly to Palm Beach (the home of bed jackets) to find one, but she did.  Now I am not only wildly efficient (haven’t you noticed?) but I look good whilst doing all my work from the cozy environs of my bed.   

P.S. Just realized it was Valentine's Day...soooo I take it all back.  Beloved would be terrific in a situation involving Youngest's blood being everywhere.  AND he is super friendly!   

Conversation

I try, if I can help it, never to say anything of interest in front of my children.  Just keep it simple.  “Eat your breakfast.  Brush your teeth.  Go to bed.’”  But sooner or later you slip and says something that piques their curiousity and the interrogation begins. 

“Mommy, when you were talking with Barb just now you said she was your best friend.  Is that true?” 

“It was sort of a joke.” 

“So she’s not your best friend?” 

“Hmmm?  No.  I mean yes.  I mean, I was asking if she could do a favor for me since we were ‘best friends.’” 

“We’re not allowed to do that at our school.” 

“Not allowed to do what?” 

“Say someone can’t be your friend unless they do what you say.” 

“You’re misunder…” 

“Does Micki know Barb is your best friend?” 

“What?…yes…I mean we’re all best friends.” 

“So Daddy’s not your best friend?” 

“Of course he’s my best friend.” 

“Then how come I heard you tell Barb that Daddy’s a terrible listener and you would only tell him interesting news if there was absolutely not another living  soul available?” 

“You really shouldn’t listen in on other peoples’ conver…” 

“Who was your best friend in pre-school?” 

“Preschool?  I’m not sure I went to preschool…” 

“Were you an orphan?” 

“You know very well I wasn’t an orphan.  You’ve met my parents!  They’re your grand…” 

“If you and Barb and Micki and Daddy all went to preschool together which one would have been your best friend?”

At least Youngest is straightforward.  Middle is sly and sneaky.  He pretends that he’s not listening and leaves you alone.  You relax and decide Middle is your favorite.  Until that moment when you’re standing in front of his friend and their mother and he’s repeating every inappropriate and unfriendly thing you’ve ever said, and you both know he won’t stop until you say “yes” to his request for a sleepover.

As for Oldest, he hasn’t heard a word I’ve said since he entered high school, until he overhears me saying something as innocent as, “goodness, last time I did that I was in college.”